HhmMm

i miss mom and dad…

Pokok and Peter…

Pray tat all is well with you…

Will be home soon.

March 31 is the last day to clear major UM debts (minor debts nevermind, only major ones that can get you into trouble). So finally hauled my s to Pejabat Bendahari to settle the account. Well… as a person graduating very soon, among the last thing I want is being barrrred from exam due to outstanding ’school fees’.

I’ve got a little over 1k left in my acc. Doing a mental calculation… RM 800 plus for semester fees, RM 400 for Phuket trip… and pledges to fulfil (which I still have no idea how to cover that), I am so gonna survive on peanuts for 1 more month. Dark clouds looming…

I went to the Treasurer’s Office and asked for my account statement. The teller printed out my statement and routinely slid it across the table to me.

And I got a heart attack.

I looked at the amount, and traced over the corner of the paper to make sure that she got the right name. No mistake…

I stammered and asked ‘Yang manana perlu saya babayar?’ She pointed to the amount … RM 4204.00. She was very kind to give me some moment to regain my composure and explained other details to me.

I walked out of the office with a heavy and defeated heart. Poor personal finance ? me ??? how do I choke up 4k when I only have 1k..? (at this moment, thank God for my finance minister… my mother). I am disappointed la… who isn’t. age 24 edi, about to embrace the world and sucked at managing own money. Got scholarship but spent recklessly and forgotten about school fees. Terrible. Actually even forgot to follow-up if the scholarship banked in for me.

In nutshell, mom rescued me. I hope this is the last time that mom or dad had to rescue me financially….

I should be a good steward.

It wasn’t that hard to stand alone. Or was it…

It wasn’t hard to choose not to conform. It wasn’t that hard to move against the current. To look the left when everyone is looking right.  Or was it … ?

I dislike the unbreakable silence. or the unquietable commotion…

I wasn’t able to do anything. I open my mouth and said nothing. Well, I didn’t open my mouth at all. I just stand.

When the stampede came, I lost my foothold and be brought to my knees… God…. I am not even sure what to say to God. I just want to be near. It was cool and comforting inside. weak and small, incapable of making a difference….

Until I heard a voice outside saying "There is a God up there watching !"  Sopo.. you spoke with voice of truth out of your comfort zone. That brought encouragement and strength to my body again. The silence was broken. I came out and continue to stand.

Thank you God, something right is never wrong.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will"  Rom 12:2

Have you ever heard of a cat ‘lao sai’?

Well, it can. It did. On my Hush Pup sandals…. AAAAIIiiiiHHHhhhh

Suddenly a cat was meowing underneath Seong’s table and we shooed it away. But the shitty smell remained. We traced it and found one section of our shoes dump was bombed. Not by normal solid shit, but watery cendol consistency lao sai !!

Sei lor… awful smell, awful sight, broken heart. I threw the shoes away and clean the area.

Who wants fried cat for snacks ?

Or rather, I should catch and give that cat to Prof Thong….

Save and set as your wallpaper ba. B105 release all copyrights.

Still in the shadows,

Inferior, never breaking through, never better..

My last shot, it’s gone. I lost… again.

Does it have to be that way as long as the sea meets the sand?

——–

Lost here, sweet victory in another.

Scientific Conference, hoped, but not expected.

If it’s not too much to ask of You, and You said ‘Let it be done’.

Congratulations to all winners, especially winners at heart.

(I’m sorry, this blog isn’t meant to be understood.)

Balance : Roughly Forty Hundred.

Seems a lot, but Thirty Hundred belongs not to me.

So true balance is Ten Hundred….

To survive for 6 more months with it seems impossible, or I’ll have to go with maggi (without eggs) daily.

Cash Debit / Bank Credit : Thirty Ten (for shelter)

Cash Credit : Five Ten (for tithe, extra given cheerfully)

How to be cheerful when you are figuring out how to put things together? I don’t know. I was still up and about supplying my own needs and blessing others. And accept the red bag cheerfully while seated on the green chair.

Cash Credit : XX Car problem.

Sick of it… Then.

Cash Debit : Five Ten (unexpected project fund)

Cash Debit : Seventy Ten (wages of sitting around !)

Wa… so happy.

Cash Credit : Ten Ten !! (red bag, more than I cared. Cheerfully. God never shortchange me, nor does He need any of mine. But all that is mine is a providence from Him)

Cash Debit : Another Fifty Ten (that was hidden. Unfound one week ago but now appeared)

Cash Debit : Another Twenty Ten (unexpected Ball.i hol fund)

I was quite worried initially because all that I have is truly a.l.l. that I have. 1k plus, what can be done. I don’t have PTPTN like others, and my Shell had stopped. Yea, I never mark my usages, but I don’t think I spend it foolishly? Or did I…

Financial headache.

But hey, hehe, this is a testimony and reminder to myself that ‘When we give to .,we dont get poorer’. I… got more cash debit than I dared ask for! Time to churn it into further investment or assests. Thank you Jah Jireh.

Friends and whoever reading this… I don’t write to please. I write what’s inside of me… Thanks for bearing with me, cocky externally and prideful internally.

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I’m right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Excuses, defenses leading to nowehere.

Dashboard Confession expressed it.

Breathe on me, and change me Lord.

My dear good friend + sis.

I thought I had forgiven the matter.

You might not have the slightest idea how much your action that particular day had cut my heart so deeply. When you suddenly turned around and walked away, left me wondering what the *k is wrong with you.

We have work to do. Vision to fulfil.

Then I felt that I am so disgusted with the mere sight of you. (Woh… Alexis serious??) And I realized that I harboured hatred inside, and yes… I quickly seeked God to teach me to be able to let go and forgive you.

As time goes by… In your own special and sweet way, you were building back the bridge that was broken. Outwardly it wont take much effort coz I responded well, as if nothing happens.

Til a point, I praise God that I was able to like you again. So I thought I successfully able to get out of my own chains of past hurt.

No… forgiveness also means putting hope once again, and subject myself to the possiblity of getting hurt again. The same setting is about to appear again, and I find that I lack of faith. I find that this past tense story resurfaced again. Can I prove my forgiveness by putting hope once again?

I find that it is so hard to move myself, especially the heart that is heavy coz the heart is afraid that you will turn around again.

Lolz… If you turn around, I tell u, I am going to kick your ass.

O Lord God…

Many times we break our promises. Many times when You wanted us to go with You, we turned around and ran away. Many times we let you down. It must have really sadden You. But You still forgive us again and again, accept us again, hope in us again. Teach me this lesson of forgiveness and putting hopes again. Teach me to walk right.

Mission note -

We all agreed to say we are going out with her. Have you got access to mission ground? Upon arriving home, all lights are off and follow instructions as discussed before. The aim is to have the cake on the table. When you see it, please shout happily.  Reply if you receive and understand this message. Signal us when you are on the way back.

To Agent Yoke. From Commanders Jenny and Joan.

______________________________________________________________

Joan : We wanna celebrate Huey Yoke’s birthday tonight after she come back from fellowship.

Al     : Haaah? So early !

Joan : Aiya, her actual day is booked by James edi. Furthermore, today is her chinese birthday.

Al     : Count me in !

Joan : Think of how to surprise her or ’sabo’ her.

Al     : Sure (evil laugh).

Sabo –> sabotage. Something we do to surprise or make fun of others, esp during birthdays. HUSC branded me as Queen of Sabo.

So I arrived at A1108 around 10.30pm to brainstorm with Jenny and gang on how to go about making Huey Yoke’s birthday an unforgetable one. We agreed to tell Yoke that we all go out for supper, made sure that she brought her keys (access).

The plan is to have the whole house in complete silence as if nobody’s home. And also complete darkness except a blinking powerpoint directing her to check out a ‘Treasure in the Fridge’ - the cake. Huey Yoke’s housemates predicted confidently that she will shouted excitedly when she sees the cake. Joan will hide behind the curtain to film every single move. Haha! Well planned, A1108!

Here they are, celebrating Huey Yoke’s very be-earlied birthday and kinda forgotten that mine had passed not too long ago, unnoticed? Not that I expected anything, neither did I mind. But I caught myself wondering how come A1108 had shown zero expression? They are not like this last time. Had clinical and final year stress took away the warmth and fun from them? Kinda worried, so I prayed for them. Glad that they resumed and planning for Huey Yoke!

Ah! So Huey Yoke signaled and we all got into position. Pik San woke up. Foong Yee stopped playing computer games. Lights and fan all off, so Joan keep saying very hot very hot.

As predicted, the first thing Huey Yoke did was to switch on the lights. Not before she saw the blinking msg tho. So she went to the fridge and … from our hiding place, can hear her exclaiming "Wei!!!!!! Ni men !!!!!!!" We came out and wished her happy birthday.

Excited exchange of conversations. ie How did you know my chinese birthday? , Happy Birthday Da Shao! (from Joan), Are you happy? yes, I am. Are you surprised? YES.

Wow, the cake. It’s a chocolate cake with personal modification, A1108 style. Got biscuit la, got nuts la, got Ferrero Rocher la, and also a personalized piece of HY on top. Nice! Can see their peluh hati in preparing.

Song time. We sang Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to … .

ALEXIS (same time peeling off HY’s tag, revealing ‘aL’ on the cake)!!!

Oh my gosh… I quickly glanced around and indeed, Joan Jenny Pik San Foong Yee Yun Zi Tze Wei are no longer looking at Huey Yoke, but I was in the spotlight, pretty much uncomfortable. Blood flush to my face and head. Adrenaline pumping. Kidding me! A1108 had been planning this on me ALL THESE WHILE… Feelings? Very touched lar, surprised lar, pai seh lar, and totally humbled by the love that A1108 showered on me. That moment was surreal.

It was all planned. The first ignorance. The tests. The observations. The invitations. The surprises. It wasn’t Huey Yoke’s chinese birthday at all (Huey Yoke said, I dun even know when is it!). To top it all, A1108 cooked longevity noodles and presented me with a Photo Album with testimonials. Sememangnya A1108 standard!

A1108, you are the Sabo Team attached with love. From the depths of my heart, thank you for your friendshipS. It is cherished dearly. Dang, you girls so happy and satisfied to successfully pull a practical joke on me 3rd time! (Movie, flower and now).

HUSC, you younger generations brought new meaning to Sabo too. I’ve seen how ya all performed as I watched from the side =)

I hereby announce my resignation as Sabo Queen =)

(….on second thoughts…..)

TEMPORARILY. You all just beware. Muahahahaha (evil laugh).