HhmMm

Over the weekend, my church in PJ just had a Bible Conference. The title was ‘A Courageous Church’. No worries, I’m not preaching here, just wanna blog what’s in me.

            I always look forward to BCs not only because of the input of Word of God, but also those ;conferences’ settings. The booklets, nametags, refreshments, seeing delegates from other Hope churches, using the word ‘delegates’, a packed sanctuary, a hallful of people praising and worshipping God together… Exciting!!

            Mm… (Cocky enough to mention here), I regard myself as one of fearless. Not entirely of course, just generally. So I kinda wonder what in this BC for me.

            To cut the story short, after the BC, Yann asked me what did I get from it. I guessed I answered with ‘er…’ and ‘erm…..’s. This BC was really empowering, really. Only that I didn’t spend enough time to ponder on what I’ve learnt on a personal and applicable level or what God was trying to teach me.

            As I ponder on… I came to a realization. Many ended the BC with a more courageous spirit, I finished BC with more fear. Meaning to say, I realize that I do fear quite a lot of things! Yes, quite a lot. And I also saw a lot of flaws in me, and a whole building of rooms for improvements. God help me.

            Yep, I am brave to take on challenge and dares involving myself only, eg doing crazy stuff and sports, trapped in toilet, etc. Challenges which requires me to be involved in other peoples’ lives in a much more personal and deeper level requires mega courage from me! (I think it’s an honour, as long as it’s glorifying God)

            Anyway… I’m humble all I am now (I’d love to stay that way…). Guess it means knowing that one is not in much control and there’s dependency on God. Also knowing that one is weaker that one think one is. There comes in fear, and there comes in courage. Hm… Conclusion, in this BC

Courageous

Church

, I’ve learnt about fears and the different fears that I have.

            Be patient with me ya, God’s still working on me. Thanks yo…

7 September 2005

            To be able to type this right in the comfort of my own room is indeed by God’s grace and mercy. Because I did not intend to come back, or rather, I thought that I’d devout this 1 week holidays (yep… shame on me… flying back home for only 5 days) to settle the boiling matter caused by HEP regarding Annual Dental Dinner.

            Well, to complete the story, HEP had bounced back our Dinner Proposal for a few times. Everytime we’ll make amends suit to their requirements, and then they’ll have more requirements. It’s extremely inconvenient for us to make trips to HEP considering our lectures and clinics ngam ngam same as their working hours. So, the only time whereby my clinics won’t clash with their working hours would be my holidays! I kinda decided not to go home already, until the secretary (Her name is Ainul) graciously offered to send the proposal to HEP before the holidays. And thank God, HEP didn’t bounce back our letters this time, and kindly accepted the proposal for considerations. Which means that I would have no official business here during holidays which means… I can go home !!!~

            Home is sweet. I can say this now.

            Initially, mom wasn’t entirely happy with me coming back, so I thought. (She kept nagging and nagging and nagging on the phone). I dunno if she finds it funny but I was discouraged.

            She told me to find my way back home as she and dad need to be at some offices signing stuffs. Fine, I thought. Eventually Angie (same flight with me) and I got Bobo to pick us from the airport. Then there she is, my mom driving the d-cab, appeared at the airport with a very fierce look plastered on her face. Aw, come on, mom was never like this! She’s the heehee haha type and always delighted when any of us come back for hols. So, what’s the matter with her???? Does she have to look as if I caused inconvenience when all along I told her that I’ll settle myself? Isn’t she supposed to be happy or something?

            Anyway, I tried to steal some time thinking of the right expression and words, as I dashed to meet Bobo first and explained that my mom suddenly came to pick me. I braced myself for some kind of irrational shots as I open the door of the double cab. As cheerful as I can (despite the discouragement in me), I greeted her and gave her the mooncakes which I bought with love (and money, of course) from PJ.

            Apparently, she was in a hurry and running late. Got appointment with somebody. Asked me why am I late. I was quite baffled. Hello, the airport proceeding is slow, what the heck, it’s not like I purposely walk slowly or waste time. Even more, I told her on the phone that she doesn’t have to pick me as I’ll settle myself! But of course, I keep cool and didn’t wanna say anything that I’ll regret later. Seeking to understand what got into her first.

            Mom is always a warm person and heeha type. As conversation went on, it got back on track. Updates and jokes, everything was great (as I first expect) until again… She off-handedly mentioned about me coming back at the wrong time. Ou…ch! Whatever does that mean. She said that they (family ppl) are keeping a secret, now I might find out. Geesh.

The first thing that flashed across my mind was… Gosh, if their business is violating any law or if they are taking unlawful short-cuts, what am I gonna do? Rebuke and disagree? What kind of secret, my brother behaved badly??

And then the conversation returned to normal wavelength again.

It was a thrill and excitement to know that mom takes up keyboarding lesson at her age now. Sometimes when she was practicing, dad would secretly call me on the phone and asked me to listen to mom playing.

And she also cheerfully told me the different church activities that she is currently joining, how having a bilingual bible helps, and she asked me to go to church with her this Sunday… Gee wow, sure I would, although I guess I’ll be having cultural shocks at that church.

I tagged along to her short appointment then we head home.

When we got back, I wonder what’s the secret. With fear, I wonder. A badly damaged car? A superbly messy room?

“Come ‘er!” Mom calling me from upstairs.

Then I know what’s all that inconvenience about. I saw some stuffs like shirts, shades and Eeyores. Smiling, I realized rupa-rupanya them all prepared birthday gifts for me already…sweet. Yikes… My stupid thoughts and I.

Praise the Lord. Welcome home, I said to myself.